I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
