i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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