Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
