i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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