quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
