O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize