dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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