Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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