Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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