Will you blow on my dice?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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