a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Two words: nipple clamps
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