I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize