the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
