Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
