hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Girls should come with a carfax report
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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