I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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