a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
