she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
