3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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