Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
