I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
