If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
PANTIES FOUND
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