:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
