your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
