It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
