C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
