Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
