I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
