woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
