well I can't set my house on fire every night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
