were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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