just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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