The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
