It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
