just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
