my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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