Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
