Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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