I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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