I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
