Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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