so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
