it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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