WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
