Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am one with the molecules
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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