I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
