Princesses don't give blow jobs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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