your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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