i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
