you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
