I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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