he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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