He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
