Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
