You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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