Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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