Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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