The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize