Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
