Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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