I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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