i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
