i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
