we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
