My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
