im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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