I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize