Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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