So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize