one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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