there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
