help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
