I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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