P.S. I can't hear my feet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize