Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Green mimosas i think yes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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