How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
