Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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