new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Pooping to opera.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
