just come out here and I will go home with you...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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