he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
