I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
