He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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