fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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