you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
