Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
