i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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