I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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