Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
