Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize