you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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