I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
