I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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