Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
