just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
