so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
