Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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