By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
