i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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