laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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