Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
