honey bunches of taint.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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