Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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