I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
