yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
