just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize