apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
