DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
