saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
